I was watching “Sex and the City” on a leading channel, when my daughter interrupted me and asked what do I like most about that sitcom and I am hooked to it so much. I told her it is “on your face straight forwardness” that I like most about the serial. The fact that it is so different than usual run of the mill, hypocrite, boring and diplomatic dramas that come on TV, that shows women as either “Sati-Savitri” or in “Bad light”. “Those women speak their mind” I told her.
“Ummm…Mom what do you think about Pre-marital sex” she asked.
“Pre-marital sex? Well I don’t think much about them. They are not part of our culture and your father being the only guy in my life, I could not associate with that feeling much. If you ask me. I would say- It does not hold true to me and hence I never pondered as much”.
Daughter: To think of it. what if I tell you that I am keen on it? I mean it is a good option to try and test your relationship while having fun.
Me: having fun? Well there are no free lunches in the world and fun too come with a price tag. Otherwise all amusement parks would run out of money and close shops. And a subject like Sex is not mere fun but a whole lot more.
Daughter: Come on Mamma, now I hope you won’t start that lecture to me. You are a liberal minded person and you cannot be liberal minded for world but conservative with your own daughter. What is wrong if I want to try sex before marriage?
Me: Well as a mother, I may sound preachy but am not here to preach you. You are a grown up girl and sex is your private business. As a mother I know a lot about you but since we all change with time, there’s something that I do not know about you. May be that “unknown” can suffice your thought but as a mother my only concern is your well being and happiness. And there are different modes to test your relationship then just PMS [Pre-Marital Sex]
Daughter: PMS? haha now that’s an interesting abbreviation and it goes well with it. By the way it is not that I want to indulge in it. I am just curious that as mother how many of you would advocate PMS to their daughters.
Me: When the children becomes adult, parents don’t advocate them certain thing. And I am not among those moms who talk big to external world but when it comes to family, they become conservative. However, I do not want to lose a valid logic in name of not being an ultra modern woman. I want to be factually correct and impart right knowledge to my children and those who are willing to listen. Rest is their choice. And as parent, I respect individual choice and won’t discard my children just cause they made some silly decision in life. I mean what is this Ho-Hum about Pre-Marital sex? It cannot be TV as I find TV highly regressive these days in name of forward thinking.
Daughter: To have a healthy argument, why do you think pre-marital sex is no-no? Virginity? Eh!
Me: Virginity is a very misunderstood and over stretched word my dear girl. The very moment a girl starts riding a bicycle, her virginity [physically] is lost. So does that mean you should not ride bicycle or exercise? People need to stop making ho-hum about virginity as virginity does not guarantee character alone.
Daughter: Then? What would society say? Is that your worry?
Me: Well, society is made by people and often all of them sail in same boat. Society does not object unless you give them a reason to object. One should lead life with dignity and self character. Society doesn’t have as much time to waste judging unless you seek their approval. Besides, why would you like to boast about PMS to society?
Daughter: Then? Pregnancy?
Me: yes off course. Should one not be little more responsible in that aspect? Esp a woman?
Daughter: There are many options to avoid them. Contraceptives, bills etc
Me: And abortion too. You know the rates of abortions at west owing to pre marital pregnancy? Would you think it is rightful for us to kill a life within us to fulfill some sexual pleasure? shouldn’t child birth, pregnancies to be taken care more responsibly? I advocate safe sex but one must be prepared to face otherwise as well.
Daughter: Mom, why abortion? when two mature people indulge in emotion as private as this, I guess they would be more careful.
Me: Indeed but failures too must be taken into account and idea is to act responsibly. And PMS is not a western concept. It was and is prevalent in all societies. Just that individual and their priorities varies. One must not play with nature without enough precaution. Leave something for imagination as well, something to enjoy marital life with.
Daughter: And you think sex is best suited after marriage? what if the guy you married is bad in bed? Too late to undo the pheras..no?
Me: silly. marriages are not just about sex or having licence to sex. Sex is also about physical intimacies that has linkages to emotional stability. All I am saying is that don’t be a victim of hollow mentality in name of modernism and experimentation. It is your life anyways, do what suits your personality and your life but do it responsibly otherwise you will come back tomorrow and say- MOm you should have told us. I got carried away blah blah…
Daughter: But what if the guy insist and bring it to his loyalty issues? Wouldn’t it be like not trusting the person you are going to marry or you love? What if he take offense?
Me: Well I will quote one of my favorite quotable from Sex and city here-‘Somewhere out there is another little freak who will love us and understand us and kiss our three heads and make it all better’. So the guy who would love you truly would understand you and your “no” as well. Ahoy! just a moment, did Manas asked you something like this? Are you contemplating Pre marital Sex? Its ok you can discuss with me. I would be a sport [winks]
Daughter: lolz mom…Trust me, am not in greater favor of pre-marital sex. I just want to say, we must not totally negate it as well. Let it be an open option, an non judgmental option for those who want to exercise it. Who is your favorite character in “sex and city” by the way.
Me: It’s Carrie Bradshaw [grinned]
Daughter: Hmm the show is over now. What next?
Me: Well I just learnt about this book- A Passionate Gospel of True Love: A Mystical True Love story. I am contemplating to read it. Do you want to read the book?
Daughter: Sounds interesting. I just saw it;s footage somewhere. Isn’t it the same book by Author Poonam Uppal that is being the talk of town these days? The girls in my office were talking about it too. It has an interesting cover. Where should I get one from?
Me: Check out this at Indiblogger. And yeah, once read it, do share me your feedback. I am planning to send a Christmas hamper to my BFFs in ladies club, contemplating to add a copy of it in the hamper.
Daughter: Sure thing. This looks like a cool gifting idea to me too. Will keep you posted.