Power of positive confrontation
Change is the most constant factor of our lives. There is nothing permanent here except the change. Change neither guarantee any comfort, nor provide so. However, it definitely brings a lot of unsettling issues, pressures and sometimes, moment of awkwardness. Having said that, it is up to us as to how we embrace the change and how do we go forward embracing the same.
Today I would like to share a short incidence of my life wherein I took a bold step and brought a big change in my life.
I hailed from a traditional Marwari family wherein girls would not be allowed to pursue education but learn house hold work, and prepare for their marriage. yes, girls those days were married young. My mother belonged to a liberal family but on contrary, my father was from a very traditional family. My father was a man of words and known for his business acumen, self sufficiency and leadership qualities. He left his family due to a property dispute, only to make his own livelihood and establish himself on his own. Having born in a family of 3 girls and 3 boys, life was not easy. It was on my mother’s insistence that I could pursue my education. I was a meritorious student as scoring anything below first class would lead to termination of our further education as it come across as our lack of interest or capability in subject.
I was among the top scorers in class and also had good involvement in other curricular activities like sports, music, crafts and writing. My articles would often get published in leading women’ magazines and there would be seldom any match that I would lose.
All hell broke lose when one day, my father who was very upset on a rude remark from his fellow trader, told my mother to stop my further education . He wanted me to marry at earliest so that I can be of my actual home and can pursue my education given the permission from my future in laws. I was appalled. I was in first year of college and wanted to finish graduation. I did not know what to do. I tried to talk to my elder brother and learnt that some one tried to soil my father’s brain by telling him that he is giving additional freedom to daughters as if he is preparing them to earn and want to live off their earnings. Obviously this infuriated my simple yet self made father.
It was a matter of my life and in spite of my mother and brother’s insistence to not talk to my father about it, I went ahead and asked Bauji if I can have a one to one conversation with him.
He first refused but on my insistence he realized that how much education matter to me and my overall well being. He was apprehensive that what would society say. I persuaded him to let me finish my graduation and until he permits, I would not apply for any future courses but let me finish my graduation as like few of my friends, I do not want to be look like an “uneducated and dumb” female in front of my husband and future children. Promising him that my education will not come between my responsibilities as wife. I highlighted him his own case and said- bauji if god forbid, tomorrow my in laws make fun of my uneducated status, I would not be able to take it up. It took me many a requests and pleadings to make my bauji agree. He relented and allowed me to complete my graduation.
We did not talked about the education any further but I still remember how my bauji had stocked all my degrees and awards in his safe till end of his life. He would often show them to my daughter and tell her- see your mother was so talented, Can you match her achievements? He would say this to motivate her and he did so.
I remember he once told me that he is glad that he got a daughter like me, who did not get dawned down by what society may talk and think but had power to see dreams and chase them too. He said he did not like the idea of his daughter opposing his ideas but he liked the fact that she did trusted him and cared to share her feelings expecting him to understand. And that brought all the difference
This post post was inspired by Housing.com Do watch this lovely video by them–